“HELP ME DO IT BY MYSELF"

“We habitually serve the children; and this is not only an act of servility toward them, but it is dangerous, since it tends to suffocate their useful spontaneous activity. We are inclined to believe that children are like puppets, and we wash them and feed them as if they were dolls. We do not stop to think that the child who does not do, does not know how to do. He must nevertheless, do these things, and nature has furnished him with the physical means for carrying on these various activities, and with intellectual means for learning how to do them. And our duty toward him is in every case that of helping him to make a conquest of such useful acts as nature intended he should perform for himself. The mother who feeds her child without making the least effort to teach him to hold the spoon for himself and to try to find his mouth with it, and does not invite the child to look and see how she does it , is  not a good mother. She offends the fundamental human dignity of her son- she treats him as if he were a doll, when he is, instead, a man confided by nature to her care.

Any action, if it is to be efficacious in the training of little children, must tend to help the children to advance upon this road of independence. We must help them to learn to walk without assistance, to run, to go up and down the stairs, to lift up fallen objects, to dress and undress themselves, to speak distinctly, and to express their own needs clearly. We must give such help as shall make it possible for children to achieve the satisfaction of their own individual aims and desires. All this is a part of education for independence.

Who does not know that to teach a child to feed himself, to wash and dress himself, is a much more tedious and difficult work, calling for infinitely greater patience, than feeding, washing and dressing the child one self? But the former is the work of the educator, the latter is the easy and inferior work of a servant. Not only it is easier for the mother, but it is very dangerous for the child, since it closes the way and puts obstacles in the path of the life which is developing.

The ultimate consequences of such an attitude on the part of the parent may be very serious indeed. The grand gentleman who has too many servants not only grows constantly more and more dependent upon them, until he is finally, actually their slave, but his muscles grow weak through inactivity and finally lose their natural capacity for action. The mind of one who does not work for that which he needs, but commands it from others, grows heavy and sluggish. If such man should some day awaken to the fact of his inferior position and should wish to regain once more his own independence, he would find that he has no longer the force to do so. These dangers should be presented to the parents of the privileged social classes, if their children are to use independently the special power which is theirs. Needless help is an actual hindrance to the development of natural forces.”

 - An excerpt from The Montessori Method

We thought it would be worthwhile to discuss with you the Montessori philosophy and IMS’ efforts to help each child learn to “do it myself.”  Your child is monitored every moment of his or her time at IMS, and guided to suitable activities.  However, it is part of the Montessori philosophy to step back and encourage each child to do things for him/herself.  For a child of this age, the process of trying is the important thing – this stretches their mental and physical “muscles.”  When an adult does an activity for a child – in or out of the classroom – that a child is trying to master, the learning process is interrupted.  This has the effect of actually “short-circuiting” neurons in the brain as they are being created. 

A Montessori teacher will always observe a child, and will not ask a child to do something that he is not yet capable of learning, but will encourage the child to try to do something new and a bit challenging. 

During the preparations to leave school, the teachers and several staff members help the children by reminding them to bring home all of their things.  If a young child has difficulty with zippers, or getting things into his/her bag, the teachers and staff will help, but we encourage the child to try, and show him/her how to do it, and get him/her to try to do it him/herself.  If a child has not yet mastered a skill, the teacher or staff member will help the child, and will work on developing this skill in the Montessori classroom environment as developmentally appropriate.

Parents can support our efforts to help the children remember what is important by reminding your child before s/he leaves in the morning to bring home lunch-box, sweatshirt, special show and tell, etc.  This way, if the child forgets, s/he will resolve to master the transfer properly the next time.  If the adult always takes the responsibility, the child quickly understands that this is not really “my” job. 

Some things you can do at home to support your child’s emerging independence:  plan menus with your child – let him/her choose what she wants for lunch.  Encourage the child to participate in the preparation of the lunch to the extent possible with the child.  Review what things should come back each day with your child as s/he leaves home. 

Thank you for your ideas, input and support as we work together to help our children grow and become independent.

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